Let Me Hold You, Love

December 3th, 2021.

Hokuto was standing in an empty gaze in front of the gravestone with the name Hayato on it. He clenched a flower bouquet in his hand. Hokuto exhaled the air in his lungs. He tried to cover his face from the cold wind that touched his cheeks, holding back his anger that rose inside him by burying his face in his wrapped scarf around his neck. Tears started grimmering  in his eyes. 

Ten years had passed since his little brother left because of that incident — a tragic incident. An incident that had been buried deep within him. An incident that caused anger inside him. An incident that has been haunting him. An incident that tore his heart apart.  

How profound the wound was, he had never even realized it. 

"I'm so sorry, Hayato… "

Hokuto wiped the tears that streamed down his cheeks. His heartache would never be cured. He didn't even know how many regrets and guilt piled up in his heart. 

He put the bouquet on his little brother's grave. Then he turned around and walked away. But his step had stopped when he saw someone.

There was a boy.

A boy who stood on the side of the road watching him while holding his bicycle, wearing a long sleeved school uniform and red scarf wrapped around his neck. He also brought a black backpack. Hokuto saw the boy smile at him. 

"Eh?..."

Hokuto tried to keep himself from approaching him. However, his curiosity trumps everything. Unknowingly, he stepped towards the boy. 

"Matsumura Hokuto-san!" The boy said cheerfully with a  bright smile etched on his lips. 

Hokuto's eyebrows furrowed. He really didn't know who this boy was. He wanted to ask, but he didn't know how to ask him. He wondered, was this boy someone he knew? The son of his colleague? or his co-worker on the radio? But he never knew any co-workers that lived around here since he came to this area. Then who was he? 

He read a name pinned on the boy's right breast pocket. 

Michieda Shunsuke. 

"Who is Michieda Shunsuke?" He thought. He saw the boy kept smiling at him and holding out his hand, waiting to be greeted. Hokuto was still confused with his thoughts about who this boy was, but he chose to greet his hand. He saw the sparkle in the boy's eyes as if he had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

"I-I…"

"Ummm… I- I am… one of your big fans, Matsumura-san!!" The boy said while giving a beaming smile. 

"Aaaah…"  Hokuto said as he shook their hands. 

"A fan, huh?…"

Hokuto wanted to let his hand go, but the boy held him tightly. Hokuto gave an uncomfortable smile signaling the boy to loosen his hand.

"Ah. I'm sorry, hehe." The boy got it and giggled as he placed his hand behind his neck. He didn't say anything afterwards. He just kept grinning at Hokuto instead. The awkwardness between them only boosted the uncomfortable feeling in Hokuto. 

"Umm…"

"....You just got back from school?"

"Ah, yes! My school is a bit far from here, ehee… " He grinned and pointed to his left. 

Hokuto nodded. Honestly, he wasn't really familiar with this area. He used to visit Hayato's grave, indeed, but he didn't try to look around. Not even once. Besides, his hectic schedule won't let him do a tour around here.

"Where do you live?"

"Hmm? It's far enough from here."

"........ Do you want to visit us, Matsumura-san? My mother would be grateful if I brought a friend to our house. Especially if he is an ikemen like you!" He laughed shyly as he placed his hands to his mouth. 

" ... A friend… ?" 

"Eh? I can't be your friend?"

Hokuto let out a chuckle. 

"I'm too old for you to be called friend. " Hokuto said jokingly. He smiled faintly and turned his face away from the sight of the boy who was pouting. 

"Go home. Your mother is probably waiting for you." Hokuto said softly. 

"........ Okay."

"Thank you, Matsumura-san." The boy said as he gave a cheerful smile to Hokuto. He bowed and climbed onto his bicycle as he waved. 

Hokuto watched him as he smiled and waved back. 

"Such a sweet boy." 

January 6th, 2022.

Taiga was sitting and smiling, welcoming the new patient who was scheduled to see him this afternoon. He greeted the man friendly. He saw him carrying a pack of tissues, hand sanitizer, with hand gloves and a mask on. Before the man sat, he took a few sheets of his tissues and wiped the seat. He dutifully wiped Taiga's desk before putting down his gloved hands. Taiga smiled as he waited for the man to finish cleaning places he considered dirty.

"Good afternoon, Fukazawa-san." 

"Please have a seat. "

Taiga paid attention to every detail of Fukazawa's story. How people around him complain about him as a hygiene freak who washes his own hands 50 times a day. How he cleans his house continuously without stopping. How he loves everything to be clean so much and thinks his surroundings are always dirty.

"I can understand why you do that. But don't you think it would be a bit tiring if you keep doing it?" Taiga asked as he smiled.

"Yeah… actually I do feel tired but I can't live without doing it. I feel like it's so dirty if I don't clean them."

"I see."

Taiga wrote something on his notes and gave it to Fukazawa. 

"First, I will prescribe a medicine for you. Then we will have some therapy for this. I know you can't live without doing it. But I don't want you to get tired all the time because you keep cleaning everything before you touch them. Okay?"

Taiga saw Fukazawa let out a long sigh, then he nodded. 

"Here's your prescription. See you next time, Fukazawa-san." He said as he saw him walk out from his room.

Taiga leaned back in his chair, checking the time on his watch. 

"One more hour to go… "

Taiga was eager to return home. Today was more tiring than usual. The number of patients he meets for scheduled counseling had increased due to the absence of Kochi, his senpai and housemate. Taiga saw him pale this morning, and asked him to rest. He also told Kochi that he was willing to take his place if the need arises. 

"Why did I offer myself to him… " Taiga said as he massaged his temples. He started regretting being nice to him when he remembered how annoying Kochi would be. Taiga closed his eyes, wanting to get some sleep but then someone knocked on his door. 

"Kyomoto-sensei, your last patient is here."

Taiga got up from his chair, tilting his back and nodding as he gave a permit to let his last patient in. 

"Good afternoon. Please have a seat."

*****

The night was dense and the air was colder than usual. The streets looked busier than before. Everything seemed to be in a hurry. The sound of cars, the trains, the buses and the bustle. Everything was colliding. The night was totally crowded. 

Taiga let out a deep sigh. He had planned to go home faster after his last counseling. But it had to be canceled because Matsumoto Jun called him and gave him a lot of work to be done. 

More precisely, it was Kochi's work that was given to him and had to be handed in before tomorrow morning. Thankfully Taiga managed to finish it at the right time even though it drained his energy. 

"Can't I just fly home?"

Taiga just really wanted to go home. He needed to recharge his energy and he could do it by eating sweets or Shin's cooking like he used to do, or sleeping beautifully, reading some manga, or watching his favorite anime. But that night, he wanted something else, a simple thing, though. But kinda difficult to do. 

He wanted to meet his boyfriend, Juri. 

It had been two weeks since the last time they met. The barrier was common, they were too busy with their job. They even barely texted each other for a week because Juri was too busy. It should be common for them if they remembered how frequently Juri went out of the city because his job had to be done. It should be common for them. 

Taiga should have gotten used to it. But no, he couldn't.

Not yet, perhaps? He didn't know.

Taiga reached for the phone in his pocket and took out his earphones. As he placed them into his ears, he played a song from his favorite playlist. 

The song brought him back a piece of memory in his mind. A funny memory for Taiga, who was captivated by a sound for the first time. Actually, the song that Taiga played was a ballad song that tells a story about how deep and beautiful love is, but causes a heartache that is hard to be cured. It is such a dramatic song, indeed. But Taiga loved it. 

He still loves it.

Not exactly because of the meaning of the song. More precisely, because of the voice he heard at that time. Also Taiga hadn't known that the song might be the start of everything in his life.

Everything started when he found Shin in his room. Shin was whining while listening to the same song as he is playing right now. Taiga really thought it was just one of Shin's Collection Ballad Songs until he realized a voice afterwards. A very deep voice, captivating, comforting, yet so addicting. Taiga walked closer to Shin who was lying on his bed with his puffy eyes. He took a seat on his bed, letting Shin seek warmth in his embrace. Taiga didn't have intentions to sit longer at first. Especially since the voice wasn't from a woman. But then it was hypnotizing him, making him stunned. So he chose to sit longer than he was going to. He couldn't help, but enjoy every topic sprinkled with light laughter in it. Without him noticing, a thin line etched at the corner of his lips.

Ping! 

A notification from his phone distracted him. He took off one of his earphones. 

"Kyomo!!"

"I'm back♡"

"I've missed you!!"

"I really really missed you!!"

"Oh! I've bought your favorite karee! I will meet you tonight."

"...Umm… Is Kochi at home? He wouldn't mind if I come, right?" 

"Baka... " Taiga mumbled to no one. He couldn't help, but smile. His longing seemed to be answered. His fatigue seemed to decrease. He typed as fast as he could, then walked to the bus stop. 

"Hahaha. I'll be back soon :)" 

The universe seemed to be on Taiga's side. 

At least, that was what he thought. 

It was 22.50 o'clock. 10 minutes before the last bus schedule, Taiga rushed to the bus stop in front of him. He could see a group of people waiting, as if they were ready to enter the bus that hadn't passed yet. Some of them were chit chatting, reading, gaming, and listening to something from their earphones. Taiga just stared ahead and occasionally checked the clock on his left hand. The time felt longer. Taiga reached for the phone in his pocket. He couldn't wait to see his lover. He wanted to send a quick message, but a fuss from the other end of the street disturbed him. 

He neglected it by forcing himself to keep his eyes on his phone, reaching for his earphones and putting it back on his ears. 

BRUG!  

Someone hit his shoulder and knocked him down.

"Ouch!!" He hissed as he placed his hand on his shoulder. 

"Could you… ple-...." Taiga's eyes widened when he saw a middle-aged man in front of him. 

"Why is he here? How can he come out?" 

The pain that rose on his shoulder and his feet was nothing compared to the thought that filled his head. Taiga tried to reach the man slowly. 

"Sa-sawamura-san?"

"...Sawamura-san, are you okay?" Taiga saw there was fear in his eyes. He tried to calm him down, but it was a waste. A man called Sawamura stood up and pushed Taiga down again, causing pain on his elbow after he hit the roadside. He even yelled at Taiga and startled him. Sawamura was totally raging. 

"I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT PLACE!!!!!!"

"I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!!"

Taiga could see how fear was wrapped in Sawamura. He ran as fast as he could, but Taiga knew Sawamura had no clue where to go. Taiga stood up and tried fighting back the pain in his body. He was facing toward and started to sprint. Cold air bit into his lungs. A sweat covered his neck. In unsteady breathing, Taiga really did his best to run towards him. But at this bad speed, he could barely see Sawamura in front of him. Crying in frustration, Taiga called Sawamura as loud as he could even though he knew Sawamura would never hear him. 

"Sawamura-saan!!" 

"SAWAMURA-SAAAAAN!!!!"

Taiga saw Sawamura running towards the convenience store across the street as if he didn't see the cars passing in front of him. He was shouting, running, evading whoever was behind him. Taiga's voice was literally nothing, but a night haze to him. Worries spread on Taiga's veins. His t-shirt was already wet and his body covered by sweat even though the night was cold as hell. Taiga spotted a cab that was parked by the side of the road. His eyes widened in disbelief when he saw Sawamura enter the cab and took over the wheel. He was in a hurry and almost hit a silver car that passed beside him. Taiga's breath hitched. The loud horn startled him. Thankfully he didn't take off his earphones as it might have disturbed his hearing. 

Taiga squinted his eyes as he saw a man with curly hair and wearing a dark gray suit was getting out of his car. 

"Anooooo….!!!" Taiga yelled before he tried to reach the man. He could feel his blood was running on his veins. His calves burned and his breath formed clouds in the air. With an unsteady heartbeat, Taiga half ran to the man who was clearly grumbling. 

"Haah.. Haaaaaah...."

"Excus-... Excuse me.... H-haah…" 

"Could-..... " Taiga swallowed and catched some air to his lungs.

"Could you please help me?"

"Umm… That cab!! Please help me get the cab!"

Taiga could see the man had frowned. There was a slight annoyance in his eyes. 

It took a few minutes for Taiga to get his steady breath, but he still hadn't gotten any answer. His lips parted, he was going to ask the same question, but he didn't have to. 

"I'm sorry?" What-... "

"I'm his doctor!"

The man looked into Taiga in disbelief, but Taiga didn't want to bother to explain. He looked the other direction to find the cab, but he didn't find it. Thankfully, he managed to remember the plate number. He forcibly asked the man again. 

"Please!! Please help me! I will explain everything to you later. Please!!" Taiga begged for the man's kindness. 

"Ck…" He looked irritated and didn't say anything, yet he had let Taiga entered his car. They drove quickly after Sawamura who actually could  no longer be seen. Taiga couldn't deny that he was worried, but he managed to control himself. Taiga shamelessly said something that made the man clucked again. 

"Can you please drive a bit faster? We need to get him sooner. Oh I remember the plate, don't worry." 

Taiga saw how hard the man pushed the pedal, as if he forgot Taiga's existence beside him. His body tensed, his hands clenched at the grip. Well, taiga did ask him to be faster, but he also wanted this man to drive carefully. However, he still wanted to meet Juri and eat Shin’s cooking. 

Taiga tried his best to feel safe on his seat, then he reached for his phone. He pushed the button as he should had done. 

"Yes. This is Psychiatrist Kyomoto Taiga from Tokyo Matsuzawa Hospital."

"I want to report that there is a Schizophrenia patient driving a white cab. Yes. The plate number is J12***. Yes, could you please help me to find it? Yes, thank you."

Taiga turned his face to his side and found the man was mumbling beside him. 

"A Schizophrenia?"

Taiga didn't answer him. He called another number instead to ask for more help.

"Hello. " The voice on the other end sounded authoritative. 

"Sir, my apologies for bothering you at this hour. Do you remember one of our patients, Sawamura-san? I saw him outside, he's trying to run away in a cab, Sir." 

"Aaaah his girlfriend was calling? Aah...Could you please send me her number, Sir? And please help me to call his family too. Thank you, Sir. "

Another call came to Taiga's phone. He was so busy with those dozens of calls, making him not realize how many times the man beside him glanced at him. 

"Hello, yes this is Kyomoto Taiga, Sawamura's doctor.  Did he take his prescriptions? His episode wouldn't come like this if he had taken them properly."

"Aaah I see… Why didn't he take them?"

Taiga was speechless. His face turned pale, a sweat slowly dripped down his forehead. Taiga took a deep breath, filling his lungs with air as much as he could. His lips made a thin line, trying to keep calm before he let out his words. 

"Ah… ehem . Sex… Umm, yeah okay. Umm, since when did he stop taking his meds?"

"...... Aaah okay, I understand. Please come to the hospital soon. Yes, thank you… "

Taiga had closed his call. He wiped his sweat, and tried to breathe steadily as he cleaned his throat. A man beside him once again took a glance at him and he realized how pale Taiga's lips turned out to be. 

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. But Taiga didn't hear him since another call came, again. But this time was from his junior, Fuma. 

"Fuma! Yeah I'm fine, don't worry." Taiga said as if he read the man's mind. 

"Ah, Fuma. Could you please help me bring lorazepam and haloperidol for Sawamura-san? Yes, for more details, you can ask Matsumoto-san, Ok? I'm closing."

Taiga let out a long and deep sigh. He leaned back on the seat. He placed his arm on his forehead as he closed his eyes. The night seemed quiet. Taiga looked at his watch and saw that it was almost 01.10 o'clock. No wonder he felt the road was quiet. Taiga felt his body kinda warm. Today was exhausting. His energy drained a lot. He couldn't help, but feel sleepy as his eyes shut slowly. But then a man beside him woke him up with his heavy voice. 

"He's so good at driving. How could he be so good at it?"

Taiga could only look at him. He didn't have any energy to answer him. He really wanted to sleep but his body had tensed again as he found the man shrinking his shoulders and straightening up on his seat. 

"Hold on! I definitely will end this."

Taiga swallowed hard as he saw the man looked determined to do something that Taiga never expected. He shut his eyes hard after seeing the man once again push his pedal, harder this time. Taiga held his breath because he was scared this would affect the speed of the car. His warm body had turned colder this time. 

Taiga was freaking out. 

He was freaking out, yet he tried to open his eyes and saw the speed of their car was almost the same as Sawamura's cab. Taiga was going to ask Sawamura to pull over, but he couldn't do that, because their car was faster than him.

"What are you doing?!!" Taiga asked, panicking. But the man didn't say anything. Taiga saw him clenched his jaw, fisted his hands on the wheel and his sharp eyes made Taiga understand. 

"Don't do that…"

"...Oh please don't do that…"

Taiga shut his eyes tight when he saw the man push his pedal harder. He clenched his left hand on the grip meanwhile the other one was busy trying to find anything to be a handler. He didn't have any guts to see what would happen next. He could feel his body spin. Nah. The car was spinning and his body hit hard on the side of the car. 

Taiga felt a warm arm holding him, protecting him from knocking forward when they stopped suddenly. He opened his eyes and found where their car was parked when he saw Sawamura was speeding towards them. His heart beating faster, his breathing hitched, blood running on his veins, a bunch of beautiful memories crossed his mind as he kept his eyes open for the last time. 

"I'm sorry, Juri… " Taiga loosening his grip and closing his eyes.

The noise from the outside ran into his ears, waking him up and making him realize that he was holding his breath. Taiga had opened his eyes slowly as he realized that the night was still going. 

"Are you done?" The man beside him asked him. He made a thin line on his lips as he held back his laugh.

Taiga fell silent. His face turned as red as a tomato. He got out of the car without any words. His heartbeat was too loud and panicking through his body was too much, causing him not to be aware that the ambulance and police had been following him. Taiga saw Sawamura laid by on the road. He kicked the air, screamed and thrashed. He made the officer exhausted. Taiga slightly ran closer to them. 

"Is this 3 mL Lorazepam?"

"Yes, senpai ."

"Flip him. Move a bit." Taiga asked their help. He bent over to reach Sawamura who was already facing down by force on the road.

"Sawamura-san… Sawamura-san, I will give you a tranquilizer, okay!" Taiga opened the injection with his teeth and injected it through his abdomen. They flipped him back and Taiga tried to reach his arms. 

"Sawamura-san, it's okay. You will be calm now. It's okay." Taiga said as he reached Sawamura's arms and stroked it gently as he comforted him. Sawamura had started calming but there was still a hint of fear in his eyes. Taiga stood up and signaled to the officer to move. 

"Please take him, quickly. Call his family, and don't forget to check his vitals." 

"Otsukaree!" Taiga said breathlessly. He watched them drive away one by one, leaving him alone on the street. 

Taiga let out a long sigh. He had stretched his back and loosened his tensed muscle in his whole body. It was exhausting and he could feel there was no energy left inside him. 

"That's impressive." The man with curly hair startled him. Taiga forgot that he wasn't alone. The man had stood behind him, looking  amazed. 

"... Thanks, I guess." He let out a chuckle as he massaged his shoulder. Taiga felt his whole body was aching. He was drained. He shook his head when his vision got blurry, trying to bring back his focus. 

"Can you take me back to the hospital? I need to check Sawamura."

"My car is out of gas. I'm not sure we can get there." He said softly. 

Once again, Taiga took a deep breath. He reached for his phone and tried to ask for some help. But before he clicked the button, his legs were loosening and couldn't support his body. Everything was black out. He almost fell hard to the ground but someone catched his arm and pulled him into his embrace.

"Sensei?"

"Sensei…?"

Taiga still could hear a voice called his name — a very familiar voice. He felt a cold palm placed on his cheeks and shook his body gently as he heard his name called by again and again. But then he couldn't hear anything as he lost his consciousness completely. 

*****

Taiga opened his eyes and blinked slowly as he scanned around him. The white wall and the smell of medicine filled the room. He was going to close his eyes again but then he heard another familiar voice beside his bed. 

"Taiga…"

"What happened? You haven't eaten yet? I don't think you would be this weak if you had eaten."

"Kochi..." Taiga woke up from his bed and saw Kochi looking at him in worry. 

"Kochi, are you okay? How's Sawamura-san?"

"Thanks for worrying me but I'm okay. Don't worry. Sawamura-san is already okay. He moved to our department. They had called his family and Matsumoto-san already explained everything to them."

Taiga nodded and let out a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes for a while as he remembered how hectic it was last night. He hoped Sawamura would feel safer as he moved into the psychiatrist department— their department.

As Taiga opened his eyes, he smelled something really good around him. He turned his face to his left and found his favorite food served on his desk. 

"Tomato soup!!!" Taiga said cheerfully with a bright smile on his lips. His eyes sparkling as he took the soup, sipped it hurriedly, feeding his hungry body. 

"Hey Taiga... "

"Hmmm?" He didn't move his gaze from the soup on his hands. He didn't let his mouth stop chewing.

"How do you know him?"

"Who?" Taiga still didn't move his eyes. 

"Ck…. Hokuto."

Taiga had stopped chewing when he heard the name. He turned his face to Kochi who looked at him in wonder. He swallowed his food before saying his next words. 

"Who's Hokuto?" He said as he reached the glass of water on his desk. 

"Hokuto!! Matsumura Hokuto!! The man who brought you here last night!!"

Taiga had choked. He really forgot about that man. Also, he didn't think he knew him. 

"Kochi, believe me. I don't know him. I accidentally met him last night and forced him to—..... " His face was getting warm when he started realizing how shameless he was last night. 

"Ehem. Well, I don't know him, ok!" 

"....... I shouldn't have forgotten that you're such an idiot." Kochi's eyes squinted in disbelief. He forgot his friend could be this stupid somehow. 

Taiga didn't give any response. More correctly, he didn't hear it. It was like a wind passing by his ears. He was busy chewing a strawberry shortcake that he took after he finished his soup.

"Do you remember a movie about a chair and a cat? The one that you really wanted to watch." 

Taiga placed the cake on his lap as he let out a long sigh. 

"Suzume, Kochi. It's Suzume..." 

"Of course I do!!" Taiga said it clearly while pouting. He really wanted to watch it. But his hectic schedule didn't let him steal any time for this. 

"Matsumura was one of the seiyuu of it! You don't even recognize his voice. Seriously… "

Taiga had tried to remember every piece of his memory last night. Yet he still didn't think he ever heard nor seen him. Well, his face looked familiar though but he couldn't remember where he saw Matsumura before.

"Have I ever met him before?" Taiga was mumbling. 

"Well, I remember the trailer but…. I don't know, he sounded different…" Taiga's eyes shut off as he recalled the voice in his ears. 

"…… Also I forgot to check the name of the actor, so…"

"Baka."

Taiga had sensed Kochi glared at him. But he chose to ignore it and enjoyed his ¾ cake that tasted so tender. Not long after, someone knocked on his door — a boy in short pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt ran to him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

"Aaaa… Shin!!!"

Taiga whined as he patted Shin's back, telling him to loosen his tight embrace as Taiga tried to catch some air. 

"Ah. I'm sorry." Shin said while grinning then he took off his embrace. Taiga saw Shin kept peeking at the door and asked someone behind it to come in. He was wondering who would come? His friend? Nah. Taiga doesn't have any friends beside his co-workers. Then who? A friend of Shin? Or Kochi?

Taiga tried to peek at the door even though it was useless because he couldn't see anyone. But then a man with gray-ash hair, wearing a black jacket with a necklace and a hat came in. He brought a bouquet and a pack of tomatoes in his hands. He gave a smile. A beaming smile and crinkled eyes that caused a warm inside Taiga's heart. A smile that Taiga had not seen for a long time. A smile he had missed so much. 

"Juri!!!!" Taiga said cheerfully. His eyes shining and his heart pounding so loud. His cheeks lifted as he exposed his teeth, giving him a bright smile. 

"Kyomo." Juri smiled as he waved at him. He walked closer to Taiga, reaching his arms around Taiga's back. Taiga buried his face around Juri's neck, letting Juri's scents fill his lungs. The longing that had been gnawing at his body for so long seemed to have disappeared. His heart filled with love and joy.

"I'm sorry, Juri. I didn't get to meet you last night." Taiga said while pouting. He had taken off the hug but still kept his hands around Juri's waist. 

"That's fine. I'm already here."  Juri said as he placed his fingers on Taiga's forehead while getting rid of the bangs that bothered his eyes. Taiga closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of Juri's touch on him. 

"Kyomo, you need to cut your hair a bit, don't you think?"

"Hmmm?" Taiga blinked. His eyes followed Juri's fingers on his forehead. He tried to see how long his bangs this time.

"... Yeah, I think so too... But I have to go to work in 2 hrs and I still have a lot of things to do."

"You didn't bring my clothes, right?" Taiga turned his face to Shin, waking him up from his reverie.

"Huh?... Yeah, I didn't. Why would I?"

"You're supposed to, baka ." Kochi answered for Taiga as he slapped Shin's back softly. 

"Alright. Let's go home!" Taiga asked as his eyes squinted slightly. 

"Take care, you guys! I have to work now." Kochi helped Taiga with his stuff before he went back to his own work.

January 7th, 2022.

"Alright, Michi. I will meet you next week. Okay, bye!" Hokuto closed his call with a smile. He had been friends with Michi after meeting him a few times at Hayato's grave. Even though it was more like Hokuto couldn't ignore Michi who kept waiting him and talking to him. 

"Who?" Jesse asked as he suddenly appeared in front of Hokuto's door.

"A friend." Hokuto said proudly. 

Jesse's eyes widened. He looked in disbelief. Hokuto barely had any friends. As far as Jesse knows, he was the only friend that Hokuto has since high school. 

"What friend?"

"Why would you have to know?" Hokuto said as his eyebrows furrowed. He felt annoyed with Jesse's question. He took a script on his desk and tried ignoring Jesse who walked closer to him. 

"Hey, Hokuto."

"... Hmmmm?" Hokuto answered without looking at Jesse who had taken a seat in front of him. 

"Do you… have plans to reveal your identity?

Hokuto turned his face to Jesse as his eyebrows furrowed. He knew exactly what Jesse talked about. 

"Why?"

Why did Jesse have to ask about it again? Why did he have to ask the reason Hokuto used his brother's name as his identity on his radio? Why did Jesse have to ask if Hokuto had plans to reveal who Hayato was? Wasn't it obvious enough  that Hokuto had given a clear statement about it many times? 

"Jesse, I've said it many times, right? I've been using it for years. All the staff are already familiar with it. I've told them my reason for hiding my real identity, right? They respected it  and that's enough."

Jesse let out a long sigh as if he had lost any excuse to beat Hokuto. Also, Jesse just wanted Hokuto to open himself to his fans so they would listen to his radio — a subtle way to say the words of to increase their listeners because it would be good for Hokuto too. His radio was popular enough, and if he could be more popular, that would be good. But Hokuto didn't want it. He wanted to keep it as it was. His life had changed since his debut as seiyuu . It didn't mean that he didn't feel grateful for that, but he had trouble enough with his popularity. He didn't want to add more trouble by telling those people that he was the same person as Hayato on his Saturday Radio. 

More precisely, he didn't want them to find out about his family. 

His broken family… 

The ringing sound of Jesse's phone distracted the discomfort that had arisen between them. Hokuto returned to his script in his hand, meanwhile Jesse answered his call. Hokuto could hear a woman's voice from Jesse's call. He had recognized who was the owner of that comforting voice from the start. 

"Okaasan… "

"Hokuto? Yeah he just turned off his phone." Jesse said as he saw Hokuto on his desk. He gave Jesse a soft smile as he signaled to leave him alone. He watched Jesse walk away from his room. Hokuto knew that Jesse didn't want to bother him with his loud voice this time. Especially when he held his script in his hand. So Jesse moved into another room. But, it wasn't that far because Hokuto could still hear him. 

Hokuto unintentionally paid attention to their talks about what had happened before. Jesse said it clearly that Hokuto was on the phone with someone else. Actually, Hokuto felt guilty towards his mother. He knew that his busy schedule made him stressed and things were getting worse. His mother had difficulty calling him, yet he had let Michi called him a few times. He also still couldn't visit her for weeks. He had plans to live together with his mother at his place, though. But he still needed a new home because his current home only has one room. It was too small for 3 people. Jesse offered him so many houses, but Hokuto still hadn't given any answers yet. 

"Your mom whined about you again this time. You really need to call her or visit her sooner." Jesse walked in through the door after he finished his call. Hokuto didn't say anything. He kept his eyes on his script while his mind was somewhere. 

"... Hey, Jesse."

"Hmmmm?"

"..... I don't want to move. I will just renovate my current house….. It's possible, right?"

Hokuto raised his face. He smiled as he saw Jesse looked at him in confusion. 

"... It's… possible. But it might take a lot of time. Also, where are you gonna live when your house is being renovated? You wouldn't stay there, would you?"

Jesse was right. Hokuto couldn't stay at his current house, but he already thought about that. He had been thinking of renting a small apartment for a while, closer to Hayato's grave. So he could visit him as much as he wanted. He could meet Michi easier. Also, he wanted something new for a while. His work gave him a lot of pressure. His current situation was exhausting. He might explode soon. He just wanted something as a distraction. Something fresh. Something strong enough to shake off the lingering exhaustion within him. 

"I've found a place to live for a while." He said as he smiled. Jesse didn't say anything afterwards. It hadn't started yet but Hokuto felt excitement had arisen inside him. 

Taiga was sitting on his couch, texting Kochi to go back earlier because they would have a party. Shin was busy preparing their food. Meanwhile Juri was busy receiving many calls from his work. Juri worked as a professional photographer. Somehow, Taiga wanted to whine about how busy Juri was. But he couldn't do it because he knew Juri loved his job. Taiga also couldn't deny that because of that, they could meet and become lovers until now. So Taiga tried to deal with it. 

Sorry, Taiga. I can’t go back now. I still have a bunch of paper to be done. Matsumoto-san might kill me if I didn't give this to him tomorrow..

...Besides, I don't want to see him

Taiga let out a sigh after reading Kochi's reply. He knew it clearly that Kochi wanted to stay away from Juri. He said that Juri could be dangerous. Well, deep down in his heart, Taiga had been aware about their relationship as this was his first time. But he didn't want to think about it. Even though he knew that Kochi had a good sense. 

Also he had started loving Juri. For the first time, he fell in love with someone. He wanted to try that. He wanted to be cured. He wanted to believe he could. Despite knowing how difficult it would be for him, for them, yet Taiga still wanted it. That's why he accepted to be in this relationship.

Okay, Kochi. That's fine!

But I'll be waiting for you :)

Taiga smiled. He loved teasing Kochi. He loved both, Kochi and Juri, and he really hoped his beloved people could be friends.

"Kochi wouldn't come, would he?" Juri asked as he took a seat beside Taiga.

"... He still has a lot of work."

Juri only nodded as he brought his face down. But Taiga could see Juri's frown look. It caused uncomfortable feelings between them. Thankfully Shin appeared at the right moment. He brought a big set of oden. They agreed that they would have a nabemono tonight to celebrate his late birthday. Well, Taiga had celebrated it but it was only with Shin. Juri was out of the town and Kochi was busy with his bunch of work. 

"Isn't it too big for us?" Juri said as he saw the pot.

Taiga was sure Shin had said that it was just a small party, but he agreed with Juri. The food was exactly the opposite. Shin came again with some plates of ohitashi and karaage as their side dish. He didn't forget about the strawberry cake as their dessert. Taiga wasn't complaining though. He loves food and Shin's cooking is always good. So he would just enjoy everything Shin cooked for him. 

Juri asked Taiga to take it first because he wanted Taiga to taste the first bite. Taiga's eyes widened as he spotted a sausage in their Oden . A rose blooming on Taiga's cheeks as he looked at Juri who served him with it because he knew sausage is Taiga's main favorite. Taiga ate it peacefully, tasting how juicy it was. But it was not enough for Taiga so he took another item. He added two pieces of tempura  to his bowl and poured them with lemon citrus paste. He didn't even realize how messy he was while eating. 

Juri couldn't help it but spoiled Taiga more. Juri's touch was enough to surprise him a bit as he wiped leftover food on his lips. Juri let out a chuckle, making Taiga blushed as he tried to cover his face by his palm. They had enjoyed it a lot. They didn't even realize they had caused a jealousy on Shin as he looked at them with his puppy eyes. Taiga placed his arms around Shin's shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze, apologizing for making him jealous. But at the same time, Taiga found it was a bit funny. He felt bad for Shin yet he couldn't hold his chuckle.

"Alright Kyomo, make a wish!" Juri said as he took the cake in the corner and passed it to him. Taiga crossed his fingers as he closed his eyes, feeling delighted to meet his beloved people if he remembers how hard his past was and how hard he tried to go through it. How dark his past was and how hard he worked to find a light to go out from that cave. He really felt grateful to be alive until this day. 

Taiga etched a bright smile as he heard how loud how loud Shin and Juri were clapping their hands and shouting out after he blew out the candle that said 33 on it. 

He hoped for nothing but happiness for him and his people.

Hokuto had arrived in front of a small building. His eyes scanned fast around him and saw no one was there except him. The night was quite calm and cold. Hokuto moved his feet slowly towards the hallway of the building. He heard nothing but his footsteps and his steady breath. He walked upstairs and stopped when he arrived in front of room number 109. He reached for the key in his pocket and put it into the keyhole. He opened the door slowly. The room was dark and smelled misty. Hokuto came in and brought all of his boxes inside. He screened the room with his eyes and his lips wide open, feeling amazed with the architecture of the room. It was simple but beautiful. The room was big enough for someone who lived alone. The gray color painted well on the empty and thin wall. The floor was made from ceramic tiles with the same color as the wall. A small window beside the bed in the corner is such a perfect place to grow a plant. The kitchen has two empty black cabinets with two double doors. Hokuto made sure he would fill it with his cups and bowls. The sink is below the cabinet doors, a refrigerator around 20 inches from on the right of the sink, and a microwave on the opposite.

His new apartment has one bedroom with a single bed and a heater in the corner. One bathroom, kitchen, and a small wardrobe. It was more like an armoire. Hokuto checked it which was opposite from his bed. He touched the surface, checking every detail of it. Then opened the door to check inside. 

"Hmm. It's quite big. It should be enough." He said as he closed the door.

Hokuto purposely searched for a place that made his existence faintly visible. He really didn't want to be bothered for a while. A small apartment in this area is indeed the right choice. Not many people choose to live in remote places like this because it's far from the city. He got these places by checking many websites on the internet. There were a lot of places similar to this but it was far from Hayato's grave. He could say he was lucky to find this place at a cheap price. Hokuto went outside to check the room beside him. And how happy he was when he found out that two rooms on his sides were empty. He was alone on the second floor. 

"Perfect!" He muttered while carving a smile on his lips. Hokuto reached for his phone in his back pocket and pressed his contact button. 

"Hello, Jesse."

"Yeah, I've arrived safely."

"Is there anything you need?"

"Yeah umm, can you help me deliver my belongings that are left behind? Yes, in my room. Thank you~"

Normally, it took around one and a half hours for him to get to this place from his house. And it could be different if the traffic was busier and crowded. But it didn't take so long for him to get his belongings. Jesse managed to deliver it in less than one hour.

"As expected, Jesse." He said proudly to his best friend.

Hokuto was on fire as his body moved by itself.  He began to organize his belongings. A collection of books had neatly arranged on a shelf that he had bought a long time ago. Some of his favorite eccentric paintings were also displayed on the walls of his room. His clothes, which were not much, had also been placed neatly in his wardrobe. He also placed his kitchenware into the cabinet. He cleaned his room and placed a lavender candle beside his bed. 

"Finished." He sighed in relief.

The jazz music that he had been playing earlier was still left ON, meanwhile he was busy spending a little time in the bathroom. He let the warm water pour over his body, washing the exhaustion within him. Hokuto was busy with his work then went back and moved to his new place. Such a long day for him and he could only sigh in relief after finishing his tough day. 

He dried his body, put on his pajamas, and  finished a piece of hamburger with a cup of coffee that he had bought while on the way. He took his phone beside him. It was 23.30, which seemed a bit late to call someone. But Hokuto had to do this. He had to call this person as he was supposed to. 

"Okaasaan… " He said softly as his eyes crinkled slightly. 

"Hokuto!! How's your moving?" The woman on the other side answered with her comforting voice. 

"Hmm, it was good. I love this place."

"Why don't you just stay here with me?" She asked in a tone that sounded whiny. A slight line etched on his lips. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the cold air. 

"Let's live together in my place later."

He could hear his mother let out a snort. Hokuto didn't say anything. He understood her situation so well that her mom only needed someone beside her. That was also the reason he let Jesse to take care of her. 

"Okaasaan, I'm gonna sleep now." 

"Have you prepared your bed well?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. It's quite big and comfy. I can sleep there." He said as he turned his face to the bed that they talked about. 

"It's late. We have to sleep. Good night." He pecked his phone as if he sent a small kiss to his beloved woman. He cleaned his table, washed his dishes, then walked into his bedroom. He turned off the music that had been playing the same song. He turned the lamp into a dim light. He opened the armoire, tidying up the clothes inside, bringing his pillow, and locking himself from inside. 

*****

Hokuto had woken up from his sleep. He had finished stretching in front of his window to get some sunlight. He took a shower, changed his clothes, then walked to his kitchen, preparing his coffee and a waffle. He took his breakfast slowly while reading his script. He had planned to practice for his next project. 

Brug!

Hokuto was startled. He heard something from the wall. Seemed like it came from the room beside him. 

"What was that?" He murmured to himself. 

He was confused. He was pretty sure that no one was living on the second floor of this apartment. 

Brug!

He was startled again. This one was a bit louder than before. Hokuto started worrying. Not by the ghost but… there might be someone beside his room. He walked outside to check it. He opened his door but he found nothing. He didn't see any shoes outside. He was going to go back but then the door beside his room opened. A tall man with a woman walked outside. They dressed well. Hokuto saw a bit of them and recognized that the man looked pretty cool. He had gray-ash hair and a necklace. He looked a bit tiny. The girl also looked cute. She wore a long white sweater and a long skirt creamy color with a cute hat. She smiled to the man and wrapped her hand around his arms then they walked outside. 

"A couple?" Hokuto's eyebrows furrowed. He shook his head as he realized that it had nothing to do with him. He went inside his room. He walked back to his desk and did his work for hours before he visited Hayato and Michi this afternoon.  

*****

Hokuto used to visit his little brother once a month. If he got busier, he couldn't visit him for months. But since he moved, visiting Hayato had been his weekly routine. And this time, there was something different when he visited him. He wouldn't be alone there like he used to. Michi would come with him, like this time. 

Michi was already there, standing alone while crossing his fingers. He had always come first and waited for Hokuto in front of Hayato's gravestone. He always touched the gravestone and smiled at it as if he could see Hayato, causing a warm feeling inside Hokuto, yet broke his heart too because he wished Hayato would still be there with them. 

"How's your new place, Hoku-nii?" Michi asked while walking to the road side, leaving Hayato's grave.

"Bad. So bad. There's a couple living besides my room and they're so noisy." Hokuto said as he massaged his and let out a long sigh. 

"Really?!" Michi looked surprised by his words. 

"Hmmm. Maybe you have to bring your girlfriend too. So you guys can have a competition." Michi suggested as he laughed. 

Somehow, Hokuto wanted to slap Michi because of how annoying he could be. He reached his arms around Michi's neck, clamping him and cursing him. 

"Ouch!!"

Hokuto let his arms go. He looked wondering why Michi held his own neck that wrapped in the blue scarf that he gave him a month ago. Worries started growing inside him as he heard Michi hissed. 

"......Are you alright?"

".... Was I too hard?" 

"...Eh?....... Ah. No no……" Michi said as he waved his hands. 

"...Ummm .... I….. I was in a fight with my friends, ehee." He continued while giving a smile, but Hokuto knew it was a fake smile. 

Hokuto didn't say anything. He  gave him a suspicious look, staring at Michi's neck as his mind wandered about something. He knew Michi wasn't a bad kid. He wouldn't want to get involved in a fight.

So what happened this time?

Why did he get involved in a fight?

What did his friends do?

Hokuto wanted to ignore it like he used to do but he couldn't. He could feel something. 

A dishonesty.

Michi had buried his face on his scarf as he felt like Hokuto had been glared at him. He had tried to act normally by humming or changing the topic but he became shuttered instead. Hokuto's eyebrows furrowed as he glared at Michi this time. 

"Michi… "

"..... Tell me the truth…"

Hokuto saw how tight Michi held his scarf, burying himself more on it. 

"Michi…"

"...You don't want to tell me?" Hokuto asked softly. 

"I won't force you if you don't want to. But I'm worried about you. I don't think you would involve in a fight with your fri-.... "

Hokuto swallowed hard his words as he saw Mochi pull off his scarf slowly, exposing his bruise on his left side neck. 

Hokuto's eyes and mouth widened. He couldn't believe what he had seen. The bruise was so dark and big. The wound in the center of it seemed a bit deep. Hokuto was lost in words as his fingers touched it.

"W-wh… What happened, Michi?"

Michi held his words as his lips made a thin line. Tears falling down on his cheeks. 

"... My father…. hit me… " 

Hokuto felt like he got punched. He didn't expect this thing would also happen to Michi. His breath had become short, his blood was boiling inside him. Anger had started spreading in his whole body. 

"And you didn't want to tell me this?!!" Hokuto didn't realize he had raised his voice. 

"W-why?! Why did he hit you?"

"Did your mom know about it?"

"Did he hit her too?!" 

He had attacked Michi with a bunch of questions, but he didn't get any answers. Michi was in silence. He brought his face down, scratching his fingers on his scarf in his hands.

Hokuto stood up as he wanted to leave him alone, but Michi pulled his coat, stopping his step. Hokuto faced Michi and saw his face turned into red and tears pooling in his eyes.

"Please don't leave me… "

"Don't tell anyone…"

"I… I was alone at home, searching for food. Then… then he came and pulled my hair and hit me. He…" Michi couldn't say his next words as he sobbed. Hokuto clenched his jaw, pulling Michi on his arms, hugging him as he held his anger. He could feel Michi was trembling. Seeing Michi like this was just adding more pain to Hokuto. He hated to see this thing again. He hated the fact that he had to face this situation again . He could just ignore it but he couldn't. He wanted to leave this boy, but he couldn't. Michi was no one for him, they didn't related by blood. But he couldn't leave him. He couldn't ignore him. What if it got worse? What if something worse might happen? He didn't want it. He never wanted it anymore. He even had promised at that time. 

He had promised to himself to protect this boy. 

He had promised to himself to do anything to make this boy safe.

He had promised to himself that he would never leave him.

He had promised to himself he wouldn't let him make the same mistake like his old self.

It was enough with Hayato, he wouldn't let Michi feel what Hayato felt. 

He would never do that.

It had been a week since he met Michi at Hayato's grave. 

He had been thinking and worrying about Michi and his mother. 

What if something worse happened to them?

He had been sleep deprived because of his own thoughts about Michi and it was enough to trouble him, and now another thing had come to trouble him. It had been a month since he lived in this apartment, but it was like he could live peacefully in only less than a week. Actually, Hokuto didn't want to care about other people's relationships. He didn't even want to know his friend's relationship. But this one, he really couldn't stand it. 

The couple that had become his neighbor was really noisy. Sometimes they brought their friends and had a party inside. Sometimes they just played music in loud volume. Sometimes Hokuto could hear a loud banging sound on the wall. The worse that he could even hear the voices that he shouldn't have heard. Hokuto knew that the wall was very thin but he didn't expect it would be this thin until he could hear this kind of noise especially at midnight. 

Hokuto let out a long and deep sigh. 

"I might be crazy!!" He closed his laptop, taking his phone and calling Jesse.

"Jesse, I need your help!" 

*****

"Are you sure you want to move from here?" Jesse had already arrived at Hokuto's place. He got called by Hokuto in the middle of night and asked him to come right away, helping him clean up his stuff before moving. 

"So, you're gonna go back to your house?"

Hokuto let out a long sigh before he answered. "I want to. But I can't. They have started the project."

"Just stay in my house for a while until we find another place. I will help you to find it."

"... Is that okay?" Hokuto asked as he stopped putting his stuff into his boxes. 

"You know you can live with me as long as you want." Jesse said as he winked and gave a genuine smile. Hokuto could only nod slowly as a thin line etched on his lips. He couldn't deny that he felt bad for giving Jesse a lot of trouble because he had been helping him since highschool. But this time, Hokuto really couldn't stay any longer. He had made sure that he would move sooner when he found a new place. 

"Woaah they really are so noisy, huh." Jesse asked as he heard another noise from the next door. "Have you seen them?" He continued.

"I have, a few times though. Sometimes the guy walked with a camera hung on his neck, or his hands. I saw he took some pictures here." 

"Eeeh... A photographer?"

"I don't know. I saw him with his girl doing something like… I'm not sure what it's called—a photo session? But well, I never talked to him nor the girl. So, I don't know." Hokuto could tell that the guy really looked like a pro. But he wasn't sure whether the guy was doing his job or not. Also, it was not his business to talk or know about them. It was just like they were bothering him so much. Not more than that. 

"Finished! Is this yours?" Jesse said as he pointed to the armoire in the corner.

Hokuto shook his head.

"Then, just leav-...." Hokuto didn't hear Jesse's words as something suddenly crossed his mind. Maybe if Michi wanted, he could live in this place with his mother. Just in case if his father still hit him.

"Done!" Jesse looked at Hokuto who didn't look like a human. "I think you better sleep a bit, Hokuto." Jesse suggested, but more likely he ordered him to do that. 

Hokuto only gave a small nod. It was around 3am in the morning. Hokuto needed to sleep because he had a meeting tomorrow about his new upcoming project. Then he needed to hurry to go to his studio for his Saturday Radio. Hokuto had enjoyed his job as a seiyuu, but he realized he really loved himself as a radio announcer. He really loved the atmosphere around him and how fun it was while talking about various things without bothering to look for other reactions.

"What are you doing?!" Taiga yelled at the woman beside him. Taiga was on break before meeting his patients in another session, but he got called by his junior. He told him that one of his patients had jumped from the window. He asked his junior to replace him for a while if it was required as he ran towards the room. He saw the mother of the girl sobbing beside her bed.  

"Why do you keep bringing back your daughter to your house?!" He continued.

"Kyomoto-sensei." Horai suddenly appeared beside him and called his name. She widened her eyes and shook her head as signaled Taiga to go out. She glared at him before she helped the woman to breathe steadily. 

"What the hell are you doing, Kyomoto?!" Horai yelled at Taiga, putting an emphasis on her tone. Taiga didn't say anything. He gritted his teeth as he held his anger inside him.

"Look! I know you just wanted to protect your patience. I know how important they are for you. But you shouldn't have shouted at their family!" Horai said while crossing her arms, firming her tone while telling Taiga about what he had done. 

"But she's the one who started it!! She brought her back and let her be punched by her brothers!! She's her mom an-... "

"I know, Kyomoto. I know what you are trying to say. But still, she's your patient's mother. You're not supposed to do that!!" Horai said before Taiga could finish his words. Taiga turned his face away from her. He let out a long sigh before saying his next words.

"Horai-san, I just want to help my patient. I want her to be safe. Her mother was supposed to help her, not to put her in a dangerous situation with her own family!" Taiga said as he pushed down his temper, but he couldn't hide the annoyance and disappointment that mixed in his eyes.

"If you keep being like this, I will force you to have an appointment with Matsuoka-san, and I will ask Kochi to take over your current patient."

Taiga gritted his teeth and bit his tongue as he held his curse under his breath. He really hated whenever Horai asked him to meet Matsuoka. They're Taiga's senpai in this department. Horai Reiko is Matsumoto's wife, meanwhile Matsuoka is the most senior among them. Taiga could say he was the last one who joined the Psychiatrist Department among them, 3 years later after Kochi. He could join them in the same hospital because Kochi managed to convince them that Taiga would be very helpful. He was really thankful for that, but at the same time it gave him pressure that he had to keep their expectations. Horai knew that Taiga could be unstable somehow. Not to his patients, but to their family, especially if it was related to their mother. She kept saying that Taiga needed to consult with Matsuoka. She had told Matsumoto about it, but he said that as long as Taiga is doing his work well, this thing isn't required. However, Horai could be very stubborn. She wouldn't hesitate to force Taiga by telling him that they might take over his patients.

"She hates me, huh?" Taiga murmured under his greeted teeth. He took a deep breath and said "My apologies, Horai-san." He bowed and walked away without saying anything afterwards, leaving Horai alone who kept calling his name. He had scheduled to be attended.

*****

Taiga was sitting on his seat, he was busy checking some papers from his juniors who were still residents. Matsumoto chose him to be one of the supervisors for them. He didn't want it at first because he didn't think he could do that. But Kochi said he had the qualifications for that. So he agreed. 

He had finished half of the pages but then someone knocked on his door.

"Yo!" Kochi greeted him and took a seat in front of him. "Are you done?" He continued.

Taiga shook his head, "Not yet. Still need to check this paper. Are you done?" He asked him back. It was around 5 in the afternoon on Saturday. All schedules for outpatients had finished earlier. So they weren't that busy.

"Not yet. Still have a bunch of paper to be checked." Kochi said. Taiga only nodded and hummed as he kept reading the paper in his hand. Kochi didn't say anything afterwards. He just kept tapping the desk with his fingers, which kinda bothered Taiga. He raised his head and saw Kochi had been staring at him.

"What's it, Kochi?" He asked directly. He saw Kochi had stopped tapping his fingers and leaned closer to Taiga. "What was that? I heard Horai had grumbled your name again." He asked, his jaw rested on his palm. 

Taiga sighed as he leaned his back on his seat. "Just another day of you have to make an appointment with Matsuoka-san." He said while rolling his eyes. He lazily moved his seat using his body. Kochi didn't say anything. He just nodded as he made a thin line on his lips. Taiga looked at his wristwatch and realized that his shift was almost over. He straightened his body and returned to his work. He was on fire as he quickly screened the paper that he had been reading.

"You seem in a hurry." Kochi asked as he look at Taiga in curiosity. 

"I just remembered it's Saturday and I won't miss tonight's radio." Taiga said as his eyes were focused on the text in his hands. Kochi only hummed as he tapped the desk again. Taiga glared at him for a few minutes as if he told Kochi to leave. But Kochi seemed unbothered. Taiga sighed before saying his words, "Didn't you say you have a lot of things to do? Why don't you leave?"

Kochi turned his face and smiled at Taiga. He stood up and bid him goodbye. He walked out as he grumbled and slammed the door, startling Taiga and nearly making him yell at him.

"How annoying!" Taiga cursed behind his teeth. He took a deep breath as he tried to calm his temper and brought back his focus. He had to finish it soon. 

But it took longer than he expected. He had finished checking all the documents. It was around 7pm and there was still 10 minutes left if he didn't want to wait for another bus, so he had to rush out of his room. He walked as fast as he could out of the hospital. He had to run to make it on time at the bus stop. 

And he was right. As he arrived, the bus was already there as if they were waiting for him. He entered the bus while panting slightly and took a seat beside the window. He swallowed hard as his throat was getting dry. He had plugged his earphones, listened to one of his favorite songs as he waited for the radio to start. 

Today was such tiring day. Horai had managed to ruin his mood for hours. Thankfully it had changed after he realized that it was Saturday. It had been a week but Taiga had already missed his favorite radio. This was more like another of his favorite things besides spending his time with Juri. He told Juri about it though, that he had a favorite broadcast on radio and told him that the reason was because they had aired many good songs and talked about many good topics. Yes, of course he skipped a part about that captivating voice. He couldn't say it. Juri might be teasing him and he was just too shy to tell him. 

He hummed softly as it played the chorus of the song. He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the song and recalled a memory in his mind. A sweet memory of him discovering this song through the radio. He had been listening to Saturday Radio back then, but it was his first time listening to this song. He really loved the chorus—the whole song. It was really a good song. The lyrics were sweet and the melody was too beautiful to be ignored. 

Taiga opened his eyes and looked at the window, feasting his eyes on the night view at the middle of this winter. He used to think that the crowd at night was horrible and troublesome. But then he changed—thanks to Hayato. Taiga had changed after listening to his theory. He remembered how passionate Hayato was when he described a crowd at night. He said it could be beautiful depending on how we saw it. 

"If we saw the crowd, it would be tiring. But if we saw how beautiful the lights in the dark night were, it would be beautiful. Imagine if nobody's around, there was no star, no city lights, the night would be so dark."

"What was that… " Taiga mumbled to himself as he smiled, his eyes were still enjoying the night view. He didn't understand. He didn't understand that kind of theory could change his point of view. 

He was too caught up with his own thoughts until he realized that he had arrived at his last bus stop. He got out of the bus and walked down the alley towards his house. 

*****

"You guys know that Bruno Mars held his concert, right? I was there watching it. It was a very great concert, as expected. I had a lot of fun even though I watched it by myself hahaha. I also danced weirdly in the back row." Hayato laughed shyly as he told it. 

"Oh also, there was a moment when Bruno danced with something like… what was that? A bird on the stage? I don't know, I'm not sure if it was a real bird or not because I couldn't see it clearly." Hayato let out a chuckle. 

"The bird was like coming from his back then flying to the audience in the first seat. It was fascinating!!"

Taiga laughed while listening to it. He could feel how excited Hayato was when he talked about the concert. 

"It was only the first song. I mean like it was still the opening but he already gave a very great performance. I wish I could watch him again next time.

Everyone, if you're going to watch it please let me know, so maybe we can go together. Hahahaha!!"

Taiga covered his mouth and let out a chuckle. He felt like he was really invited by Hayato.

"Okay then. Good night, everyone."

"Good night, Hayato." Taiga said as he smiled softly. 

He put back his phone on his desk. He laid on his bed and raised his hand. He was humming a song that had played on tonight's radio. His mind was still recalling every topic that Hayato talked about a few minutes ago. It was so fun, as usual. Taiga had a lot of fun while listening to it. He looked at his clock on the wall and it was around 9pm. He had closed his eyes as he felt sleepy. But then he opened his eyes and sat up after realizing something. 

"Wait, it was Bruno Mars concert, right?!"

"I WATCHED IT LIVE TOO!!!"

Taiga covered his mouth when he suddenly realized how loud he was. He slapped his forehead gently as he whined about how stupid he was. How could he not realize it? He even sat in the back row too. He tried to remember that moment. Did he see someone dancing weirdly in the back? He placed his hand on his jaw, thinking about it carefully, but he couldn't remember it.

"Aaah, I wish we could meet there." Taiga whined as he covered his face with his hands. He didn't know why he really wanted to meet Hayato. He felt like there was something that connected between them. But Taiga wasn't sure what it was. He hadn't figured it out yet. 

Ping!

Taiga reached his phone on his desk and tapped the screen. A smile etched on his lips as he read the message.

"Can I call you!" 

He pressed a video button in the corner and waited for the answer. 

"Juri!"

"Kyomo! Already at home?"

"Yeah. I came back earlier today."

"Aah I see."

"Where are you, Juri?"

"Oh. I'm currently in my apartment."

"Eh? You changed the room?"

"Yup. I changed a bit for the wall. Just want something new."

Taiga hummed and nodded slowly

"Kyomo…"

"Hmmm?"

"I want to see you badly…"

"You're seeing me now." Taiga said as he let out a chuckle. 

Juri really knew Taiga's weakness. He really knew how to touch Taiga's heart. Taiga really couldn't hear him saying something like this. He really wanted to see him too. He really wanted to hear Juri's voice, see his smile, or listen to his laughing voice directly. But he couldn't do anything because of their busy schedules.

"When will you come back, Juri?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure. Maybe in a week." 

Juri's schedule couldn't be fixed. Sometimes they can finish faster, sometimes slower.

"Do you have something to do when we meet later?"

"... I do."

"... What's that?"

"Do you remember that would be our 6 months?"

Of course Taiga remembered it.

"Do you remember your promise?"

… Of course Taiga also remembered it.

"If you don't mind, I want to get your promise."

"Hmmmm, let's see!" Taiga said jokingly. He remembered it clearly. Taiga knew Juri might be waiting for this because Taiga kept rejecting him. Taiga had told Juri that he had anxiety about sex. But he didn't tell Juri the reason. He hadn't told him yet. He had planned to do it when they met. 

But deep down, Taiga couldn't imagine what Juri would say if he knew his past. 

Taiga was scared about it.

He was scared Juri might feel disgusted with him.

He was scared Juri might leave him.

But Taiga had promised. He had promised that he would tell Juri about his past.

About his dark secret.

He even told himself that he would sleep with him if he wanted to be cured.

It might be so difficult for Taiga himself but he wanted to be healed. He felt like maybe it was his time to be cured. He loved Juri, indeed. But he wanted to be loved purely. He just wanted to know if Juri would still accept him or not. Of course Taiga wanted him to accept him, he wouldn't lie. But if Juri chose the other option, Taiga would accept it. He had prepared himself for this.

"Ah! I have something to do now. I'm so happy I could see you."

"Me too, Juri. Sleep well, okay!"

"I will, because you let me see you." Juri said while grinning. 

Taiga let out a chuckle.

"Good night, Kyomo."

"Good night, Juri."

Taiga ended the video call. He felt warm and his heart filled with happiness. Actually he had an idea to spend his day with Juri when he came later. Taiga wanted to try a new game that he brought and he wanted to play it with Juri. 

"Maybe we can play it later… " He said as he pushed his lips together. 

Taiga put his palm on his chest as he felt his anxiety start running on his blood. He tried to calm himself by seeing the paint of flowers beside his bed and taking a deep breath.

"Taiga, I will come in!" Someone said after knocking his door.

Apparently it was Shin. He saw Taiga like this accidentally. As though he knew what he had to do, Shin took a seat beside Taiga, hugging him without saying anything.

"I'm okay, Shin. I'm okay." Taiga said as he patted Shin's back.

"You don't mind if I do this, right?" 

Taiga smiled. 

"Take a deep breath. Fuuuuuuuu… Exhale, Taiga. Fuuuuuu…." Shin said as he stroked Taiga's back gently. "I'm okay, Shin… " Taiga said softly.

"Ssssh. Can you just shut up?"

Taiga let out a chuckle. He knew that Shin just wanted to be there for him. He knew Shin could understand that Taiga still needed someone beside him when his anxiety came.

It was true.

He felt relieved when he had someone beside him because it would help him to calm and relax. Especially because he couldn't talk about it to anyone except his housemates. So he really appreciated them for always coming at the right time.

Taiga pulled himself off Shin as he felt steady. He smiled softly, signaling that he was already fine. Shin smiled and wiped a sweat on Taiga's forehead with a handkerchief that came out of nowhere.

"Btw I met Jesse today." Shin said suddenly. 

"Jesse? Where was it?"

"At his Cafe."

Taiga hummed as he nodded. "He didn't come here?" He asked. Shin shook his head, "He was in a hurry. He only came to tell us that his friend is going to live here with us. He asked me to tell you guys before. He's so kind, right? What do you think?"

Taiga turned away his face as he thought about it, "A newcomer… ?

"How about Kochi?"

"Kochi said he's fine with it." Shin said as he grinned. Taiga turned his face to Shin and he noticed something in his eyes. He let out a chuckle. 

".... Are you expecting me to say yes?" He smiled teasing him. Shin couldn't hide his feelings as he kept grinning. "Jesse said we knew this person, but we haven't met him yet."

Taiga's eyebrows furrowed. What did that mean? They knew that person, but they hadn't met yet? What kind of person would be? A celebrity?

Actually Taiga had felt so comfortable with the three of them in this house. He didn't want any newcomers. But if Kochi said yes, then he had no friends on his side if he rejected it. Also, he didn't have the heart to reject it after seeing how excited Shin was. Taiga could tell Shin wanted it. It seemed like he needed a new friend because Taiga and Kochi had been so busy these months. 

"If you and Kochi are fine, I'm okay then."

Taiga could see the sparkle in Shin's eyes. He gave a bright smile and placed his hands on Taiga's shoulders as he thanked him. Taiga just hoped that the newcomer would be a good person, or at least it wouldn't cause any trouble for him.

The ticking of the clock had accompanied Hokuto as he read his new script while sitting in his room. The lavender scent from his candle also filled his lungs. It helped him to concentrate. But sadly, it didn't last long. Someone suddenly opened his door and startled him. 

"Hokuto!!!!" Jesse said with a loud voice. 

Hokuto blinked as he waited for Jesse to continue his words. 

"How about living in my father's house?"

"......... What?"

"My father has a house for rent. It's a shared house though and-...."

Hokuto placed his script down and let out a deep sigh. He lowered his head for a moment then raised it and saw Jesse who was grinning, being innocent. 

"Jesse…" Hokuto said softly, "You know that I can't live with strangers, don't you?"

"Umm…" Jesse said as he looked to the other side, averting Hokuto. 

"Well, anyway, there are 3 people living there, 2 psychiatrists and an employee at my cafe. He's my friend, btw. They're all my friends. Ummm… Ah I've asked him about it and they said it's fine. You can pay th-... "

"Wait a minute, Jes." Hokuto blinked in disbelief. How could his friend do this to him? He just moved from that apartment 2 days ago and Jesse already found a place for him. Of course he was really thankful for that. But Jesse didn't even ask him about the house before, and he had done this far?! Indeed Jesse had helped him a lot, it would be so rude for Hokuto if he rejected it. Also Hokuto had asked him subtly to help him to find a place for a while since his house was still in renovation. But, this wasn't what Hokuto wanted, not this kind of house.

"Hokuto, believe me, you will be fine. Just give it a try, bro!" Jesse winked and smiled brightly. 

Hokuto couldn't say anything. More correctly, he lost a lot of words. He felt like everything happened at once and he couldn't swallow it properly. 

"Seriously, Jesse…" Hokuto let out a deep sigh and massaged his temple with his fingers. He walked outside, leaving Jesse alone who looked innocent in his room. Hokuto needed some fresh air to bring back his focus.

*****

Hokuto wasn't sure about it, yet he agreed to live in Jesse's father's house—the shared house. He didn't even remember when and how he agreed. He could only remember that Jesse told him about the house, the room, and the furniture that he had placed in the empty room—Hokuto's room. Jesse also told him that they didn't have any wardrobe, so he had brought his own. Hokuto was hesitant at first, but Jesse convinced him again this time. Jesse even told him that he could change the room if he didn't like it.

"Make it as comfortable as you want. You might stay longer than you thought."

Since it was a hassle to bring his own wardrobe from his place, Hokuto decided to buy a new one. It was a large wardrobe with only 2 doors but it has a large space especially for the hanger space. He had told the seller to send it to the shared house. He hoped those people—his future housemates—wouldn't ask anything or check his room. He got Jesse again this time to help him. Hokuto reached his phone and opened a message from Jesse. 

"Your room is ready! You can come anytime you want!" 

Once again, he thanked Jesse for arranging the room for him. He would move today, after finishing his recording for his new project. 

Hokuto made sure that he didn't leave his important belongings before leaving by checking his boxes for the last time. He got the address already from Jesse. He took his key, leaving the house, and driving to the shared house.

It was closer to Jesse's house. Hokuto only needed 30 minutes by car to get there. It was around 6pm. Honestly, he was too lazy to move here. He had agreed with Jesse indeed, but he still couldn't imagine living with other people. He took a deep after he parked his car in front of the cafe. As he got off, he was stunned by the building of the house. It was a unique house with the multilevel minimalist architecture with a cafe underneath. He stepped up the stairs one by one and opened the unlocked fence. As he stepped in, he was welcomed by the sound of a fountain in the center of the garden. There were two seats for sunbathing on the left of the garden. The various flowers planted along the left side of the garden also made it look more beautiful. Hokuto walked closer towards them, bent down and gazed at them as he smiled. There was one flower that caught his eyes—The Hydrangea.

It reminded him of someone he loves.

His mother.

His mood had turned brighter just by seeing this flower.

Hokuto raised his body and walked away towards the front door. He was going to open the door as he gripped the doorknob, but someone had pulled on the handle and opened it outside, slapping him who was standing behind the door. 

“OUCH!” Hokuto hissed, his hands covered his face as if it could ease the pain from being hit by the door.

Hokuto felt someone grab his arms and asked him worriedly, "OH! I'm sorry!! A-are you okay?"

Hokuto lowered his hands and shook his head as he felt dizzy. He saw there was someone standing in front of him. But his vision got blurred. He shook his head again and blinked slowly. 

As his vision became clear, his eyes widened when he saw who hit him.

“...Y-YOU?!”

How surprised he was when he saw him. It was him. The last person that ruined his night last month.

"What was he doing here? Did he visit a friend?"

He was going to ask those, but then he remembered Jesse's words about this shared house.

"There are 3 people living there, 2 psychiatrists and an employee at my cafe."

Hokuto let out a deep sigh. He never expected that he would meet him again.

More precisely, he never imagined that Kyomoto Taiga would become his housemate.

2 days ago

Taiga had arrived with Kochi after coming back from work. He opened the fence and walked in casually. But he had stopped as he saw Shin was talking with Jesse in the garden. Taiga turned his face to Kochi who was walking behind him. He thought maybe Jesse needed to see Kochi. But Kochi didn't seem to know anything. So he continued walking towards them. 

"Oh! Taiga!!” Jesse waved at them as he smiled brightly. Taiga waved them back and bumped his elbow into Jesse as he greeted him. 

Jesse looked at Kochi shyly before greeting him, “Kochi-sensei...’’ He said while blushing. Taiga took a glance at Kochi and saw he only nodded as a thin line etched in the corner of his lips. Taiga had been watching these two. He noticed something when he saw them. The way Jesse looked at his best friend was different. But Kochi was difficult to read. He didn't know what Kochi thought about. Taiga averted his eyes as he saw Jesse lowered his face, looking sad. Taiga cleared his throat as he tried to change the mood.

"What are you doing here, Jesse?" He asked.

"He helped his friend who's going to move here." Shin helped Jesse to answer Taiga's question. Taiga almost forgot that they would have a newcomer. He could only nod. He didn't think he have to get to know more about his new housemate. He took a permit and left them. He dragged himself into his room. He felt exhausted. He had been sleep deprived for 2 days because of his work had piled up and needed to be done—well he wanted to throw away those documents but no, he wouldn't do that. 

He took a shower and changed his clothes into pajamas. He was ready to sleep despite it was still around 6.30pm. He wasn't that hungry, so he chose to sleep rather than take food for feeding him. 

He couldn't remember what he did after he jumped into his bed. He didn't know how long he had slept. The noise across his room had woken him up. He tried to open his heavy eyes, squinting his eyes as he tried to look at the clock beside his mirror.

"10.45?" He tried to check the window and saw it was still dark. He sighed as he laid down again. 

Taiga turned his face towards the wall as he tried to get some sleep. But he couldn't sleep at all. All he could hear was how loudly his stomach growled.

"I'm hungry… "

He woke up and washed his face, walking outside his room. As he opened his door, he saw a group of people carrying a wardrobe into a room across from him.

"Woaaah that's quite big." Taiga mumbled to himself as he saw how large the wardrobe was. Without realizing, he had let him think about it. How many clothes does he want to bring here? How long did he want to stay here? Didn't he want to know how this house was first? What if he didn't—

"Wait, why did I have to think about it?" Taiga said. He shook his head to wash away those thoughts. He walked downstairs to get some food. 

*****

Taiga had come home earlier today because he was less busy. Lucky him so he could prepare for Juri's welcoming party tomorrow night. He had plans for that. Indeed Taiga understood that Juri wanted to do that. It was implied in his words. But, Taiga still wanted to do what he wanted.

Well, he just wanted to run away from it.

"I've been imagining it though. But my anxiety still comes like usual. Do I really need to do this?" He said as he placed his hands on his chest. He tried to calm himself before walking down to buy ingredients he needed. He placed his hands on the doorknob and pushed it outside. 

But then he found out that the door slapped someone behind it.

"OH! I'm sorry!!" Taiga panicked as he heard the guy hissed. "A-are you okay?" He grabbed the guy's arms and stroked it gently. He really felt guilty for hitting him accidentally. He had bent down to see the face, but the guy covered it with his hands. He saw him shake his head before bringing down his hands. 

His eyes widened in disbelief as he saw the guy. "Y-YOU?!" They said. Apparently, Taiga wasn't the only one who was surprised by this. He closed his eyes tight as a flash memory crossed in his mind.

"Jesse said we know his friend but we haven't met him."

"Damn it." Taiga cursed under his breath. Of course he knew Matsumura Hokuto. He even met him once. And now he would be his housemate? 

He couldn't believe it.

*****

Hokuto had placed his own belongings in his room after compressing the bruises on his face. He looked around and was amazed by how great Jesse arranged his room. He arranged the bookshelf in 3 different colors—navy, red, and black. A navy desk set in the corner—closer to the bookshelf—and a pot of flowers placed on the desk. 

The walls were designed with a wide window facing the garden in front of their house and the rest were painted white. There were a few paintings placed on its wall. A single bed placed in the center and a large wardrobe in the corner before the bathroom. Hokuto walked closer to his wardrobe and opened it to sort out all his clothes. But someone had interrupted him by knocking on his door. 

"I will take care of you later." He said as he closed the wardrobe. He walked to his door, but someone had already opened it and walked inside his room. 

"Good afternoon, Matsumura-san." 

Hokuto saw two guys smiling brightly in front of him. The one looked older than him wearing a t-shirt and long pants covering his ankles. The other one looked younger than him, wearing a white t-shirt and a brown apron covering his jeans. Hokuto noticed there was a name pinned on its apron, but he couldn't read it as he heard the older guy greet him again. 

"Kochi Yugo, your housemate." He said as he reached Hokuto's hand and shook it. Hokuto was blank, he didn't know what to say so he just let him. "This is Morimoto Shintaro." Kochi continued as he let go of Hokuto's hand. 

Hokuto looked at the other guy and smiled slightly at him.

"J-just call me Shin. I-I'm 24 years old. I have had seizures since I was 14. My father ha-... had-..." Hokuto blinked repeatedly, feeling confused by Shin's look as if he was about to sneeze. He started stuttering and slapped his face as if he could stop it. Hokuto saw Kochi grabbed Shin's shoulder, turned Shin's body facing him and helped him to breath steadily as he placed his index finger on his nostril and spoke to Shin. 

"Breathe, Shin. Relax. It's okay. Relax… Inhale… Exhale… Relax okay, you can do it! Follow me. Breathe..."

Hokuto was lost for words. He didn't know what to do after seeing how Shin's seizures recurred in front of him. He could only look in confusion at the two guys that had just become his housemates. 

It took around 5 minutes for Shin to relax. Kochi was brought Shin back to his room before he continued his work. As they left his room, Hokuto sat on his bed and exhaled as he relaxed his tense body. Hokuto closed his eyes and massaged his temples. His first day living here had become like this. He was just relaxed for a few minutes until Kochi entered his room again, alone this time. Silence and awkwardness wrapped him tightly as he saw Kochi stare at him. Hokuto cleared his throat and threw a simple question at Kochi. 

"How's he?" Hokuto asked softly as he scratched his fingers.

"He's fine," Kochi answered calmly. Hokuto saw Kochi sighed before spilled his words. "It's a sudden malfunction of the brain." He continued seriously.

"Convulsion occurs for no reason, like a sneeze." He continued. Hokuto listened to him carefully as he stopped scratching his fingers. 

"He might curse and do any action that hurts him or others. But it doesn't mean anything. He just can't control it." Kochi said as he shook his head and faced Hokuto who wasn't moved at all. 

"He's weak. Stress often attacks him because of his work, or his relationship with his father, or when he gets nervous, like before. Those could all trigger his seizures to recur."

Hokuto swallowed hard as he realized that he might be the reason for Shin's seizures. He averted his eyes as he felt Kochi glared at him.

"... You're not the type to mock or ignore someone like that, right?" Kochi said as he put an emphasis on his tone. 

Hokuto took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself before letting his words out.

"I was just surprised… Jesse only told me about my housemates, but not specifically… " He bit his lower lips and slightly bowed at Kochi as he felt guilty. He was supposed to ask Jesse more about it before he came to this house. But he saw Kochi smile at him and it made him feel relieved. 

"So, ummm are you a psychiatrist?"

"Ah, yes. I am. Also Kyomoto Taiga, another housemate. He's also my co-worker."

"Kyomoto Taiga?" Hokuto asked as he averted his eyes from Kochi.

"You've met him once, right?" Kochi smirked at Hokuto and brought his face closer to him, making him uncomfortable. Hokuto acted like he forgot about it. "Hmm?" He answered, looking innocent. Kochi grinned before continuing his words. "He is still outside, I guess." 

Hokuto only hummed and nodded slightly. 

"So, is there anything you want to ask about?" Kochi asked politely as he smiled. Hokuto thought that this guy maybe really loved smiling, or he was just being polite to him.

"Ummm, are there any rules in this house?"

"Hmmm. The rules are there are no rules. We pay for rent, it was 35% for me and Taiga. But now you're here so 30% for each, and 10% for Shin. You can bring anyone, or do anything as you want. Live freely as you please."

Hokuto blinked repeatedly. He was confused with this kind of rule. Being free was a good thing, but he thought they still needed a rule. He didn't like his life being disturbed freely. 

"Okay then I will make my own rules."

"You can do what you want." Kochi smiled, then bowed slightly before he went out, leaving Hokuto in his room. Hokuto let out a sigh in relief. His housemates seemed fine, at least for now.

Until someone opened his door and disturbed him. 

"Woaah you have a big room." Taiga said while drinking an ice coffee in his hand and stood in the doorway.

Hokuto was surprised by this behavior. He was really lost at words. 

It was Kyomoto Taiga.

The guy that hit his face earlier. 

"Black…"

"Navy…" 

"Red… "

"And… white… " Taiga said as he looked around the room while sipping his drink again. "The colors are constant. You arranged it well, huh?" He continued. He smirked as he praised the way Hokuto arranged his own room. 

"OCD?" He asked casually, but Hokuto felt offended by him. Hokuto was already offended since Taiga opened his door. 

Hokuto really couldn't say anything. He couldn't stand this kind of behavior. "Where's your room?" Hokuto asked, his jaw had sharpened as he gritted his teeth. 

"Across your room." Taiga said while pointing to his room. Hokuto walked past Taiga and left him alone in his room. He walked hurriedly towards Taiga's room. He held the doorknob and opened it. He quickly screened Taiga's room and saw how messy it was. Clothes placed everywhere, dirty glasses and dishes were piled up on the small table near his bed. He was surprised when Taiga suddenly appeared and closed the door.

"What are you doing?!" He asked. Hokuto could see Taiga was annoyed by his actions. 

"What? I can't do that to you?" He said in a sharp tone.

"If you open my door, I will open yours. If you piss me off, I'll piss you off too." He said while glaring at Taiga. 

"You're not polite, I will not be polite either. I treat you the same as you treat me. That's my rule." He continued and his jaw had sharpened. He glared at Taiga closely. So close until he realized that he made him uncomfortable. 

Actually, Hokuto could just tell him to leave his room, he didn't have to act this far by checking Taiga's room and pissed him off. 

But he couldn't help it. Taiga really pissed him off. He really hated how Taiga had behaved earlier. And at the same time, he couldn't believe that Taiga was the same person that had impressed him 

He pulled his face back away from Taiga. He glared at him for the last before he went back to his room, leaving him alone 

He walked back to his room and left Taiga who was grumbling in the doorway.

*****

"Ck. Why's he so annoying?" Taiga snorted indignantly while looking at Hokuto's back. He opened his door and slammed it. He stepped over every item scattered in his room—dishes, glasses and dirty clothes. He placed his coffee on his table and reached his phone which had been vibrating in his pocket. His fingers were busy typing on the flat screen.

I'm sorry, Juri. I was busy and couldn't answer your phone.

When will you come home?

He laid his back on the bed while waiting for Juri's reply and hummed his favorite song—again. He almost fell asleep on his bed, but then something crossed his mind and pissed him off. 

"Hah! Why's he so annoying? Why don't you just move from here then?!" He shouted out to no one. He gritted his teeth as he held back his anger. Taiga took a deep breath as he tried to calm down. Hokuto really pissed him off. He was going to accept the newcomer. He was going to accept Hokuto to be his housemate. But then he pissed him off like that. Why? Taiga didn't mean to bother him, really. But Hokuto had offended him and it made him want to reject him. Taiga even thought to keep annoying him—because Hokuto himself already thought like that about Taiga— so he might leave this house. But that was so childish. He wouldn't let his pride down only for Hokuto. Even though deep down, he really wanted—to kick—to ask Hokuto politely to move because he felt so comfortable living here with just the three of them. He even had planned to ask Juri to move here later. Later.

Wait…

Why did he feel bothered by Hokuto?

If Taiga thought carefully, it wasn't that bad. Hokuto was just defending himself—yes, Taiga realized it.

Unless it was related to the embarrassing moment last month. Indeed he was still embarrassed, but he didn't think that was the reason. Then what? What was the reason?

"Nevermind."

Taiga closed his eyes and shook his head, washing away his unnecessary thoughts. He turned his body facing the wall and closed his eyes. It was better to sleep than thinking about those things. 

The weather this week seemed unfriendly. The air felt colder than usual. Taiga had just finished cleaning the house—it was so rare for him to clean their house. He did it just because of Juri's welcoming party. Everyone looked busy with their own business.

Everyone included Hokuto. Taiga had been waiting for his presence around them. But he didn't see him. Not even his shadow. Taiga understood that Hokuto had the right to do anything he wanted, but wouldn't it be better if he came down and contributed a bit of his strength to help them clean up this house? Kochi was busy helping Shin in the kitchen. Meanwhile Taiga had spent his own energy cleaning the whole house down to the garden. 

"Didn't he feel guilty for not helping?" Taiga cursed under his teeth. He sighed before he walked in and approached his housemates in the kitchen as if he wanted to help. But no, he just wanted to see the food. 

"Where's Matsumura?" Shin asked after he finished washing the dishes. 

"I saw him going out this morning. Maybe for jogging." Kochi said as he poured the juice into the glass. Taiga acted as usual as if he didn't care. However, he listened sharply while thinking about what kind of jogging that had not returned until noon like this. 

Again, he had let himself think about him again. Thankfully they had finished cooking for their lunch. So Taiga could bring back his focus to the food.

*****

Hokuto was busy picking up groceries for daily needs. He also added 4 pieces of onigiri, instant cream stew, melon and curry bread, and 2 bottles of mineral water. He asked Michi whether he still had something he wanted or not. Michi shook his head, signaling that he had had enough with everything Hokuto had chosen for him earlier. They walked in line at the cashier and paid it.

They spent their time along the way to Michi's house by exchanging stories, joking, laughing and singing Hokuto's favorite song. Hokuto was bursted out laughing when Michi told him that he once sang this song in front of his crush and he got rejected by her. It was a broken heart song though, not a typical song to confess for love. And Hokuto used to play this song on his Saturday Radio.

Michi knew about Hokuto's radio, of course. He told him a long time ago. Hokuto has trusted Michi as if they were brothers. Michi—as Hokuto's fanboy, yet he saw him as his old brother—felt so happy after hearing it. He didn't used to listen to that radio, but after knowing the fact that it was Hokuto, he always listened to it and never missed it, not even once. 

"Anyway, Michi… " Hokuto said as he faced the street in front of him, stopping Michi who at that time wanted to get out of his car. 

"Hmm?"

"... Does your father still hit you?" Hokuto asked without turning his face. There was silence before he got his answer. "No, he doesn't." Michi said quietly as he turned his face to the left.

"Really?" Hokuto had turned his face at Michi. He saw him only nodded and formed a thin line on his lips.

There was hesitation on Hokuto before he continued his words.

"Hey, Michi…" Hokuto called him quietly. "Do you want to live somewhere else?"

"Eh?" Michi looked at him in confusion. Hokuto repeated his words clearly as he turned his face and detected something on Michi.

But he didn't get any answer. 

He could see Michi was hesitant about it. But he also knew Michi wanted it. He wanted to run away from his father. He wanted to live peacefully with his mother. Michi had said that his father didn't hit him again so far, but Hokuto felt like Michi might lie about it. Or he might get hit again sooner. Of course Hokuto wished Michi could live peacefully with his parents, but he couldn't deny that he was worried about it. He didn't want to lower his guard. He didn't want to repeat the same mistake as he did in the past. 

"Okay? I know a place that is kinda far from here. Move there, find a new school. Take your mother. Let me take care of the rest." Hokuto tried to convince him. 

Michi lowered his head and smiled. Michi took a deep breath before raising his head, facing to the front. 

"Thank you, Hoku-nii… Thank you for worrying me…"

"......... But I still can't accept your offer." 

Deep down, Hokuto knew it.

He knew Michi wouldn't accept it, yet he was still forcing him to move. It wasn't good of him, perhaps. But Hokuto did it purely because he didn't want to ignore Michi and his mother. He wanted them to be safe.

Michi had told Hokuto the reason before he asked. He was scared something bad might happen if he dared to leave his father. He also told Hokuto that his mother already found a job, he doesn't think she would leave it.

"But what if your father hit you again?" Hokuto asked, trying—to force—to convince him again. 

It took a few minutes before Hokuto got Michi's answer. An answer that he never expected before.

"....I don't know...."

"........... Maybe I will fight him… "

Hokuto's eyes widened. He looked at Michi in disbelief. Why did Michi want to fight? What if it just made something worse? Indeed Hokuto had plans to report this case to the police, but he needed more witnesses. They needed more proof. But Michi didn't have any neighbors around his house. That would be difficult to collect the proof. Also, Hokuto was worried it might take so long for them to follow up on this case. That was what happened to him in the past. So he wanted Michi to take his offer. He wanted Michi to run with his mother before things got worse.

But Michi didn't want it. He had his own reasons for that and Hokuto couldn't force him.

Hokuto had to do something.

He had to protect this boy and his mother.

His father didn't hit him, but who knows what will happen in the future.

So Hokuto asked Michi's permission to put some cameras in his house. In the living room, the kitchen, the terrace, even on the street across his house. He needed to collect more proof. 

*****

Hokuto drove back to his house—his shared house, after finishing his business with Michi. He had gone to the studio to record his radio next week because he had another schedule and it might be difficult for him to do it live. So the director asked him to do the recording instead of broadcasting nothing. 

He had parked his car in front of the cafe, bringing his backpack and going up the stairs. Even Hokuto didn't feel he was stepping on the stairs because his body felt exhausted. He wished he could sleep peacefully tonight, but unfortunately, the universe didn't let him do that. He had stopped walking at the moment when he heard how loud the laughter of those people inside their house. He was wondering how many people were in. He let out a long sigh. Hokuto didn't want to come in but he didn't have any energy to drive to the hotel. He had no choice.

He was going to open the door but someone already opened it for him—without hitting him this time. How surprised he was when he saw a man, the same man that used to be his neighbor less than a month ago, standing in front of him. 

"Oh! Eh?"

"..... Matsumura... Hokuto-san?"

Hokuto was a bit surprised that this man recognized him now. He didn't get any greetings when they were neighbors. Hokuto even wasn't sure if this man recognized him at that time. 

Hokuto slightly bowed and smiled. He took permission to go inside and walked into his room.

"Are they friends?" Hokuto mumbled to no one but himself. He took a shower, changed his clothes, and walked down to get some food. 

…… Actually, he was not that hungry. His body and his brain really needed to shut off because he might say anything he hadn't even realized. But he just wanted to see those people. He didn't know why he felt interested to see them. 

… Or to see Taiga, perhaps? Hokuto didn't want to see him because Taiga might bother him again, but he still wanted to see him. He didn't know why.

Not yet.

Hokuto took the food that had heated in the microwave and put them on his plate while taking a glance a few times to their living area that isn't far from the kitchen. He saw Taiga talking and laughing freely with that man beside him and Shin who sat in the opposite kept smiling at them, yet he looked a bit sad. Hokuto couldn't take his eyes off Taiga. He didn't even realize that Kochi was there, quietly eating his food. 

"He has taken, Matsumura." Kochi said while chewing his food. 

"Eh?"

"Taiga. The guy beside him, it's Juri. His boyfriend."

Hokuto's eyes and mouth slightly widened. He wasn't surprised by the fact that Taiga dated a man, but more likely he dated that man. He was thinking that they looked perfect as a couple if he recalled how annoying they were at him.

"So he just broke up with his girlfriend?" Hokuto mumbled but Kochi could hear him.

"Girlfriend?... What do you mean?"

Hokuto's eyes furrowed as he looked at Kochi who seemed shocked. Why was he shocked? 

"Umm... I was living in an apartment last month. He was my neighbor. He was living there with a girl. She's cute though. I thought it was his sister but then I saw them being like… romantic, if I may say." Hokuto told the truth to Kochi, but he skipped a part where he could hear their noisy sounds behind the wall. 

".... Last month?" 

Hokuto nodded without looking into Kochi's eyes. But then he realized it wasn't Kochi's voice. He raised his head and found out that Taiga was there, staring down in aghast. 

Hokuto swallowed hard as he felt sweat streamed down his temple. He could only blame himself for talking to others when he felt exhausted. He really shouldn't have said anything because he couldn't filter his words.

The next thing Hokuto saw was Taiga putting down his glass with water filled in half then walking towards the living room. He was standing in front of Juri who looked confused. The next words that Hokuto heard were something he never expected.

"Juri… "

"........ Did you fuck someone else?"

Everyone seemed shocked. Everyone included Hokuto. What did Taiga say? How did he know? Hokuto never said it.

Everyone seemed shocked, they even held their breath. But Hokuto could tell that Juri was the most surprised to hear this.

"Matsumura said you were his neighbor." Taiga continued. His voice sounded deeper yet trembled. Hokuto's body was tense when he heard his name mentioned at that moment.

"Wh-w… what-... I- I… I -..."

".....Wha-what are y-you… I- I don-... Kyo-...."

A punch landed on Juri's face before he could finish his words, causing him to fall down on the side of the sofa. Hokuto could feel the pain just by seeing it. Shin punched him again and again. Hokuto accidentally counted it and he reached 10 before he saw Shin move his fists on Juri's stomach.

Nobody helped Juri.

The party itself had become cold. Colder than the weather tonight. The atmosphere was extremely tense. Everyone was speechless. Even Kochi only stood there without saying anything. It looked like Kochi let Shin bring out his anger. Juri didn't even fight back, he had let his body feel the pain as though he knew that he deserved it. Hokuto thought Juri had collapsed because he didn't move at all. He ran towards them, holding Shin arms from his back and tried his best to stop Shin who was on a rampage.

"Shintaro stop it!! You might kill him!!!" Hokuto yelled behind Shin's ears and made him stop thrashing. He threw Hokuto's hands and walked away leaving them. Hokuto's eyes followed Shin and at that time he realized that Taiga was not there. He didn't know when he left.

Hokuto hated being here, yet he couldn't leave Juri who had blood and bruises on his face. He helped him to stand but he didn't ask him anything. He looked at Kochi who was still there, watching Juri with pity. 

"Go home. Treat your wounds." Kochi said with a face that Hokuto didn't understand. He saw Kochi sighed then walked away, leaving him alone in the living room. Hokuto watched Juri walk away and brought all the dark clouds on his back. 

"I should have stayed in my room…" Hokuto said as he massaged his temple. He let out a deep sigh and cleaned the house as he felt guilty for ruining their party.